careeeeers

Architecture, Marine Biology, Philosophy, Law, or Painting seem to be my only interests in college. Those are all pretty different, and have nothing to do one another. I guess I'm just interested in a lot of different fields. I've already gone for a year of painting, I like it.. however I don't believe I would ever choose that as a majour, just because (depending upon the school) there are strict guidelines as to what you can paint. That, I do not like.
I took a semester in Philosophy and Ethics. I absolutely loved them. I'm not sure if it was just my teacher or the material, but I thought those were the most fascinating classes I have ever taken. They were usually about three hour lecture classes, twice a week. I can't really ever sit for that long, but I loved reading about all the material. I actually went and bought a few books on my own just because I was so into it all. The only downfall about majouring in Philosophy is that all I would have to fall back on is Teaching. Well, I'm not the teaching type. I don't want to do it, and I certainly do not have the patience for it.
Marine Biology is something I've been looking into more and more probably for about a year now. I don't know what it is, but it's all completely fascinating to me. Not so much oceanography.. which the two are very different but I can't even begin to try and explain how. But things like.. deep sea ecology, or even underwater archeology (which is different from marine biology but still having to do with the ocean). The oceans are all so vast and unexplored. I think it would be amazing if I had the opportunity to take a job that allowed me to find out all of what was down there.
Architecture is a field that I have always been interested in. I'm not too sure why, maybe because I'm pretty good in math, but there's something about me designing and constructing a building that will(hopefully) stand the test of time and that people, even after I die, will utilize it.. is a nice thought. Granted, most people do not walk in a building and say to themselves "hm I wonder who built this building and what their intention was for it" I do, but I may be one of few who do that.

Either way, you can take philosophy anywhere. I can majour in that at my current college. Marine Biology is tricky. I would either have to go a university in MD, or move all the way to southern VA by the water. (Which would probably be really nice, but sort of secluded feeling) Architecture is only offered at VA Tech, which I do not want to go there. The University of MD has a top program there, but out of state tuition is so much. Maybe I just need to move to Maryland gain residency so I can pay in-state.

expressionisim

I never kept a diary throughout my adolesence, or high school, anything. I always kept poetry. I have separate spiral notebooks per a age, or a couple of years to each book. Going back now and reading them it's pretty ridiculous. I was so depressed all during my young teenage years. Then when I seem to hit mid-teen years I all of a sudden became very intellectual and wordly. Most of my words were about the way of the world, how everything turns, how we have evolved. It's actually pretty good. I don't think I have written a poem in about two years. I mean I can write down random little lines, lyrics or whatever. But past them, I haven't written anything recently.
I've been trying to figure out what it is that made me stop writing.


I recently (in the past 2 or 3 years) have gotten very into painting, on canvas. I am a collection of paintings, portraits, abstract, etc. I absolutely love it. I tend to find my most creative time is between the hours of midnight and four a.m. I paint naked sitting on my floor with my canvas leaning against whatever. I don't know what it is, but it just makes me feel great. But for some reason or another, I haven't painted in months. I don't know if I'm not feeling inspired, or if it's just pure laziness. I would like to be inspired to paint again.

Further more, something or someone to push me.

birthday bash gone wrong

So my birthday was yesterday, May 23rd.
We had a party on the rooftop of my boyfriend's apartment complex. They rigged it so there were lights, music, and it actually looked pretty awesome when I finally got up there. The night was slowly turning bad, then turned good. It was up and down really. The only thing I like to drink is tequila, and they couldn't get that. So that was a huge bummer just because I hardly drank at all, all night.

I had a bunch of my NOVA friends come out, some friends from Richmond showed up off and on. So I'm glad that a fair amount of people were there. Good to see a few faces that I hadn't seen in a while.

The night was going good for the most part, then it started to get late around three a.m. maybe. Well something happened and these kids were yelling at the other one. I don't even know about what. I don't know how the verbal argument started, but then for some reason it turned into a physical one. Well out of nowhere some kid picks up a glass bottle and throws it. Turns out that the bottle shatters and ends up cutting up some kids face. Everyone backs off, doesn't know what to do, screaming, whatever. Well everyone starts to leave because by this time everything it all shot to hell.

So the next thing that happens is that Gregory decides to blame the entire incident on me. Noted, I don't have any idea why it started, what happened, and who it was actually between.. but because a kid from Richmond (where I live) through the bottle.. it was my fault. So everyone gets off the roof top and I don't know if it was because he was drunk or what.. but comes up to my face and starts bitching at me cause he's saying it's my fault. He says "let me point out the kid get over here" or something like that.. and I turn around and he grabs my arm as hard as possible to pull me over to him. It was weird because it was the first time he has ever grabbed with any force to get me to do something. I told him don't touch me, etc.

Then some of our friends helped clean up on the rooftop. I start walking away and Greg starts yelling at me that it's my fault. I'm halfway across the roof and I yell back that I couldn't do anything, etc. He just keeps screaming at me "it's all your fucking fault" so I'm walking as fast as possible trying not to fucking cry. I get half way down the stairwell, ran into a few kids, then when they were gone just fucking started to cry my eyes out. I ran to the apartment, got my keys, and went to my car. The window beside my car was bashed out, so I moved my car to the other part of the parking deck. I ended up just laying in my car for a half hour before doing anything. I was crying and so fucking mad and I didn't know what to do.
I eventually went back into the apartment, Gregory was there. He kept saying he was sorry, and he told me he loved me. That was the first time he said it. I'm pretty positive that it was completely out of the fact that he may of thought that he ruined my birthday.

Either way, the night went to shit.

cntd.

BIRTHDAY WISHES

part II

Trip to South India!

soon

BIRTHDAY WISHES

part I

ten years from now, i want to ask my family if i still make them proud.
if they say no, i guess the better question would be "did i ever make you proud?"

i've never heard my mother say she is proud of me, for anything that i have ever done in my life
my dad is the same way

i'm use to it.

i feel like as soon as i hit middle age i'm going to be so bitter against everone

nassau

So I've been on two cruises in the past mmmm three years.
One to the Caribbean, one to the Bahamas.
I've concluded that I would rather go on a cruise with my significant other, instead of friends. It's more of a romantic thing, and the cruises I went on were with friends.

They're nice though.

Also, I've decided I would be compltely interested in living in Nassau, Bahamas.
It's gorrrggeeous, I could just own a small something and live off nothing.
That would be a nice little life. I could be a perma-vacationer.



p.s. I've been running anywhere from 2 to 3.5 miles everyday for the past like week. My legs feel like rocks.

Newlyweds

My friend Rachel and her boyfriend have decided to get married on June 7th.
She's, eighteen... him I have never met.

I can't even imagine that they have been together for a year.
To be honest I can't say that it's going to last, but for her sake I really hope it works out.

I'm not too sure what the appeal is for rushing into marriage, but so many of my friends have done it.

I can't imagine what the big deal is that even if you know that you will be with this one person forever, why you need the title of husband and wife so quick. I guess it's a nice thought, but everything good is worth waiting for.

father's day

Father's day is coming up soon.

Well I guess June is fairly soon anyways. My dad's out in Montana, with his ma. He was living in VA up until, maybe a year ago. I think I prefer him living across country

(He called me today, he mentioned Father's Day. I suppose he just wanted to bring it to my attention so I won't forget. I missed his birthday back in November. But I guess it's fair enough because he forgot what day mine is this month. )

While he was here it was almost like we were both obligated to see one another, or talk. Now that he's further away we talk a couple of times a month, usually not for too long. We never really had that close relationship when I was younger, why would we have one now?
I don't have anything against him for things he's done, we've all made mistakes. I was thinking that maybe I would go out to Montana and visit him for father's day. (or sometime around then) I would absolutely love to see my cousin Jennifer. (The one in the picture) My grandma, I'd love to see her. It would be a nice visit, I guess I could just hope that it doesn't go bad.