moving, hopefully june-ish

So within recent months I have concluded that there is only one thing that is honestly stopping me from moving, and that would be myself.
I have, for longer than I can remember, have wanted to move out of the city I am currently living in. Shit, probably for over five years now I have been bitching about it.
So now, I have enough money to be on my own. I am fully capable of supporting myself, and find ways to live on my own. I feel like I already do this now, but not so much since family is within a five mile radius.

I build certain relationships with almost everyone that I know. I have not any two friends that I treat the same, or any that are more close to my heart than the other. I am careful to befriend certain people, those I know that won't be there in the long run. I don't want anyone holding me back from leaving. I have never had a problem with ending a relationship/friendship with someone because I have never allowed that person to affect me.

If someone can make me cry, then that is how I have realized that they have gotten to me. (And I hate that) The only family that I speak with is my mother, grandpa (papaw), and brother. My papaw is the only person in my entire family that can make me cry. When he dies, my whole world is going to fall apart, and I know this.

I think my feeling so detached is thus strung by the fact that I keep it this way. Now that I am trying to leave, I feel like that was the worse choice I could have ever made. It is a habit I have followed since elementary school and it has finally caught up to me. I am afraid of leaving everyone that knows me.

I am going to build these temporarily constant relationships only for them to be nonexsistant in the post months.

I am going to fuck myself over either way.